1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
3. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
4. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
5. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
6. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I do not know son, I am still paying for it.
8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man does not know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
10. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
11. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
12. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
13. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
14. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just cannot face each other, but they still stay together.
15. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
16. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
17. I married Miss right; I just did not know her first name was Always.
18. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
19. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
20. It does not matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
21. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
22. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Some women do not love men. They only love what men can do for them. They just use men for their money. It is all just the "Selfish Gene" at work.
